Hi Instagram world, hi internet friends. It’s been awhile, and I know I start off every post that way. The truth is - the internet has been a weird place for me lately. Lately as in like ... a whole year. And we’ll talk more about that soon but it just seemed like a daunting task to get on here and write. You guys are so nice to me when it comes to my writing. So you would think I would do it all the time, right? Girl who lives and breathes and thrives off of validation? Yeah, I don’t know Susan. I receive so much love and praise and yes, validation & attention when I write, but I also feel pressure. From myself, and only myself, but when I sit down to write, with the knowledge that it will be consumed by people... I get nervous! It is the only aspect of my life in which I am a perfectionist.
I always think about people like Taylor Swift who manage to pump out hit after hit, banger after banger... every damn time. Does she ever get nervous?? Nervous that her next lead single about a lost lover will flop on the charts? I mean I’m sure she does. But it’s what she’s good at. It’s her gift. It comes so naturally to her. She does it anyway, and it succeeds every time. And does it succeed because it’s her most perfect body of work every time? Or is it because her fans, the people who support, love and adore her, will always be there, lining up on album release day, threatening beliebers and Kpop stans with their lives if they don’t stream? I think it’s that.
It’s you guys. So thanks for supporting me and encouraging me to keep writing.
Actually, I’ve had so many people asking me about Miss Norway that it finally felt necessary to talk about it. And it makes sense. I put everything out there on the internet. My day to day life, my entire half naked body, my least favorite ex boyfriends, you guys get it all. And I understand I’ve been a little withdrawn lately... and once again .... lately meaning ... pretty much all year. Sooooo. Let’s talk about it.
Competing in Miss Norway has been one of the most challenging & growing roller coaster ride I’ve ever taken. I don’t regret a single second of it though. Except maybe that one time walking catwalk when ... you know what? I’ll save it for the memoir. It was a time in my life. At moments, a good time of my life. And at moments, the worst. But it was a TIME let me tell you.
So with all that being said, let me just dive right in.
The competition drains you. It sucks the life out of you, compares you to all the other contestants, grabs your heart, and tosses it in the trash with the half eaten glue free bagel from Starbucks. It’s just rough. After hanging out all day long with the “socialites” who still had no desire to learn my name, I was just over it.
So I kind of just stopped.
I ultimately decided to withdraw from the organization Miss Norway when I was in the final. The desire to disappear from it and quit didn’t happen overnight. It was gradual. I had my doubts from the beginning, but eventually I came to my senses that the only right thing for me to do was to withdraw. I can’t go into detail on the reasons here, but I will say that there are conditions with how the competition is being held that I became aware of during the process that meant for me that I could not and would not be a part of it anymore.
But genuinely, I’m glad I participated. I think my point here is that it wasn’t my participation that ruined things for me. It was never that. It was the intention behind how the organization carried out the pageant.
I instantly got so turned off by the competition’s morals.
If I was in on this to show my future kids someday, being apart of something bigger than myself, or to bring up a smile on my face when talking about it with my friends in 10 years while we sit around reminiscing our twenties, then it was pure. It was great. But if I was in it for pleasing the organization’s needs then it just made me anxious and angry. And sad, really.
So I know that wasn’t much of a life update, but that’s where my head has been at lately. I’m trying to redefine my relationship with beauty pageants. With modeling. With social media. Decide what I want out of it. Because I do want it. I do love it! I love making, taking and posting photos & videos. I love talking and connecting with strangers from all over the world. I love raising my voice for everything I’m passionate about and stand up for. I love posting pictures where my butt looks good. I just want to scoop up everything I love about it in my arms, and let all the toxic, unimportant side affects that make me sad and anxious fall behind.
Once and for all thank you so much for following me on my little adventures. Your support means the world to me and I want you all to know how much potential we have.
I’ve never been so excited for me and this generation and everyone living in 2021. There’s so much to do, so much to see, so many memes to create, and it’s up to us. Our lives are what we create them to be, so create a life you love.
So much love,