I left for my EF language school in Barcelona, this past Wednesday. Words could not describe the way I felt, hugging my family goodbye. Every sentimental feeling inside of me melted into a puddle and came pouring out of my eyes.
My family being my parents and my two younger brothers Magnus (19) and Tinius (16). Even my brothers were blank in their eyes. I say even, because... if you have younger brothers yourself you know.
One little brother, ok that’s “handable“, two is a nightmare. You are always short handed, the elder sister who have to look after the little brothers, the supposedly “responsible” one.
And not to mention being constantly voted down in whatever family matter or happening because you’re being outnumbered two to one. So Magnus and Tinius usually got their way to my growing frustration up throughout the years. And from my “big sister point of view“ my two little brothers were the ones constantly being in focus, wether within the family or anywhere else.
As if it wasn't already bad with my mom bawling on their "first day of elementary school." We celebrated Magnus and Tinius in all forms.
Their birthday as a fresh teenager. Their last football game.
Their first football game. Their last day of high school.
Now don't get me wrong. I was here throughout it ALL. I was front row for the football games, farewell, birthday parties, and confirmations. Everyone is crying, and hugging, exchanging words of,
"You are such great boys, Magnus and Tinius, you'll do amazing things."
And I'm over here like, yeah, but what about the time when Magnus and Tinius skinned the heads of my Barbie dolls?
Are we forgetting about the time they ditched me at snowboarding day, forcing me to ride the ski lift with a bunch of thugs who left the BAR UP???
Come on, these are the guys who would strategically place LEGOS right outside my door in hopes I would wake up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water!
No one seemed to hear me, or care for that matter. There was always Tinius and Magnus “moments,” and now that it's gone and past and I will soon be in another country without them access to reading this blog post....
I'll tell you guys a secret.
Magnus and Tinius was the,
MEANEST BROTHERS EVER.
I'm talking worse than any brother sister rivalry in history.
WORSE than Chuck & Serena.
WORSE than Ross & Monica.
WORSE than Rob & Kim Kardashian.
even worse than Louis & Ren Stevens.
I'm serious.
I'm talking Magnus and Tinius licking the Doritos and putting them back in the bag, so they wouldn’t have to share it with me, mean. Evil, really.
And it wasn’t always like this. Tinius, Magnus & I used to be friends. Partners in crime, even. My mom used to tell us stories about the three cats, Pim, Pam & Pottifar. The plot is that they lose their mittens and don’t get cake from the mother until they have found them again together. Magnus was Pim, Tinius was Pottifar and I was Pam, and we were the greatest trio buddies you would ever find. Sometimes we were spies, and sometimes we were boogie man hunters, but we took these stories into real life. We were real life best friends.
No matter where we were, or who we were with, we did everything together. But fate was waiting. It was probably destiny for us to become mortal enemies.
We started to hate each other, the way you fall asleep. Slowly, then all at once.
It started when we moved houses. I stopped letting them play games with my friends. Then it turned into the boys not letting me go trick or treating with them, and then all together, Pim, Pam & Pottifar were done. The dynamic trio, finished. It became their favorite new game to torment me, and to make me cry.
Once, they stole my journal and revealed my undying love for a boy in my class to all of their friends. I cried.
Once, they told me Troy Bolton was gay. I cried.
Once, Tinius & Magnus tried to test me in my spelling skills. I cried.
Once, Tinius & Magnus challenged me to go on the "Big Jumps" at a ski resort. They reassured me that I had green light, that the road was clear. This resulted in eight year old Sofie, wiped out not even half way up the pipe, and getting run over by Olympic snowboarders. Meanwhile, Magnus and Tinius has tears in their eyes from laughter. Me too. I cried.
And still, I adored them!
Tinius and Magnus were the ones I ran up to after school in 8th grade, when some girl passed around a note telling everyone not to vote for me for student council. Tears in my eyes, I ran up to them telling what had happened. They returned this with a pat on the back and a,
"That sucks."
Eighth grade was a rough year all around. Eighth grade girls back then were different than they are today. We weren't confident, with thousands of Instagram followers, we were ugly! And Magnus & Tinius made sure I knew my place because every argument we ever had ended in,
"At least I have real teeth!"
That was a low blow. I sought revenge for years, and finally got it, you could say, because their best friend has been in love with me for a good year now. But that's beside the point. The teeth comment was the last straw, this was war.
I would plan come backs, weeks in advance. My dad’s advice, since I was six years old has always been, "just ignore them" but six years later and look where "just ignoring them" had got me! My most frequent google search was "best insults" & "how to win an argument."
And it didn't work well in my favor. They were two about it and had perfected their craft throughout the years, and "your mom" jokes just weren't as effective in our case as I had hoped.
But then high school started.
Oh, how the tables turned!
I will never forget the look on Magnus and Tinius’s face when their friends wanted to hang out with me! When puberty hit, their friends started to take genuine interest in me. (It’s funny how that goes.) They wanted to hang out and so we did and we talked FOR HOURS. This had to be the single greatest day of my life! I had been praying for this moment for years. Not a word was said to each other, but I was smiling ear to ear. I laughed the whole time, even when dad came to pick all three of us up from their friend’s place.
High school was as you would imagine. Silent car rides, and silent encounters when seeing each other in the streets with each our friend groups.
But my teenage years taught me one thing. I had an epiphany one day.
Tinius & Magnus were the funniest people I had ever met.
And I'd like to think we share the same humor due to our childhood of watching FRIENDS at grandmas house, or the countless hours we spent on YouTube watching stupid videos.
I realized my whole life, I had been striving for their approval. My dying wish to be to make my brothers laugh. I looked back on our life and realized the times we got along, were the times we were laughing. Magnus, Tinius and I were comedy gold, at the dinner table.
Tinius and Magnus taught me the best times to make people laugh are in the most inappropriate times. Even though it totally isn't.
Like Tinius telling me the pimple on my forehead is actually as bad as I think it is. Or Magnus tagging me in memes. “Tag your beautiful sister“ with the pictures of monkey and buffalo.
And even though I could easily remember all of the times Magnus and Tinius told me I had a weird taste in music, I am left with the memories of Tinius answering my phone call on a late night in November back to when I was a heartbroken 20 year old with him listening to me and comforting me. And I am left with the memories of Magnus talking highly about me to a point where it’s even hyping me up in front of friends and family during conversation. I look back at the memories of them running downstairs at midnight, to show me a funny Tiktok, to play me a different song they recommend, or a movie they want to see with me.
A couple days ago, I had come home for the night and sat at the computer, wasting my life away watching unsolved true crime by BuzzFeed or something. Magnus wandered in and took his usual spot at the kitchen counter, taking selfies, or texting, I dont know. The scene was familiar for a late night, both of us in the kitchen after coming home from being with friends. However, on most nights, words were hardly exchanged, unless it was a "Hey, I was here first!"
This time was different. Magnus called me over to look at a TikTok and before I knew it, it had been a half hour. Tinius came down from his room shortly after from hearing us laugh from the TikToks, and joined our conversation and made himself noodles in the background. Magnus asked us about our day and we spent a good fifteen minutes just catching up and talking to each other. Somewhere between Magnus telling us of his and his friends latest adventures, and with Tinius telling us of his gaming stories and the TikTok’s, I realized that this was it.
These nights did not come often years ago and they were numbered. I realized that these good conversations had begin to become more frequent for every time I came back home from my trips. I also realized we would be gone from each other soon, and this would all just be a memory. I think everyone that knows me, knows that deep down, saying goodbye to me is a lot more than saying goodbye for the period of time I’ll be gone on my trips. Months from now, I would be back, but it’s going to be different. There won’t be a curfew to come home to and God forbid if Magnus or Tinius (or both of them) get into a relationship. In a sense, I felt like I was saying goodbye to my childhood. Tinius, Magnus & I have been through it all together, and in that perfect moment, at 12:30 am, while we reminisced and talked, and laughed, I tried my best to keep it together. I hated growing up, and that’s exactly what I had realized. Pim, Pam and Pottifar, we were all grown up.
19th September sunday 2021
Sunday morning was rough, and I dreaded it. I kept looking down at my phone checking the time, not ready for the emotions that go along with saying goodbye.
In the morning I picked up India (our cat) with tearfilled eyes, and it seemed as the entire world stopped for a second, while I hugged her tight into me and giving her lots of kisses.
Some hours later I said goodbye to mom and dad, which was unbearable.
I hugged everyone, and by the end of it we were all emotional. And I was so proud of it too. I almost wanted the entire world to know the Mugaas’s and what an sentimental day this was for us. I wanted everyone to see how close we were, and the special bond we all shared with each other.
Magnus hugged me, and I cried. Tinius hugged me, and I cried. I cried for a long time, because I’m Sofie Mugaas and that’s what I do. I thought back to all of the times we laughed together, and all the times our parents forced us to hold hands in public -- the worst punisment either one of us could think of. I thought of us wide eyed kids, hanging on to every word as my mom told us the stories of Pim, Pam and Pottifar. I thought of all of our fights, and all the times I had wished they never were my brothers. But then, Magnus leaned down and said,
"You know we love you sof"
I looked over at Tinius and he had that look and I know that look. The look he gives right before he’s about to cry.
And just like that. None of it seemed to matter.
I love you too, Magnus & Tinius.