last night, I received a message which he asked me how my day was and I replied
“Ahhh, I feel like I just wasted a day. I had so much to do and I didn’t really do anything.”
And as soon as the words left my mouth, I hated it. I hated that I admitted to wasting a day! I actually thought about it a lot, and it wasn’t until I was lying in bed that night, you know, the normal nightly routine where you close your eyes, think of every possible unlikely incredible fantasy you can create, like making out with Harry Styles, or going grocery shopping with Meryl Streep. And you know, usually around this time, just riiight before you drift off into nothingness, you start to think and analyze about really random things that cause you stress like climate change, or “Friends” being taken off Netflix, or all the little babies that need love and attention, or the fact that you just wasted an entire day of your life that you will never get back.
I had my mind over analyzing that last one for awhile last night. It was just bugging me so bad, because I feel like I’ve had enough of those days.
I pride myself in having a fun life. Fun, is a huge priority to me, if not, the main one. But in between those good days you see on Instagram, I have days like yesterday, where I eat peanut butter out of a jar, and read conspiracy theories about Tupac for three hours. I can come to terms with that much. I know that not every single day is going to be amazing, and fun, and memorable. But I wanted to get to the bottom of it. What decides if a day is wasted or not? Is it being on a tropical island vs taking 3 bubble baths at home? Is it going to a party with your friends instead of not leaving your house for the day and ordering takeaway? I wanted to figure it out.
So I went back and tried to remember everything that happened during my day. I didn’t try to focus on the good or the bad, I just tried to play back my day in my head as it happened.
-I got in a fight with my mom. My mom and I were best friends in another life I’m sure of it. We’re so much alike. I think it’s why we’re so close, and I think it’s why we fight too. It was a normal mother daughter argument, except I said some hurtful things that I immediately regretted. And I thought about it all day. I think growing up, you see your parents as these super humans, who know how to do everything, can fix any problem, and can make anything better. It’s weird, and sad realization when you finally understand that your parents are just people, who are capable of being insecure, or sad, or getting their feelings hurt. I always have to remind myself of this, and I was upset with myself for maybe being the cause of hurt feelings.
-Sara and I had a good chat, you know the best type - long heartfelt messages. We’re so cute. We are going to find a time to talk over the phone in the weekend.
-My dad and I went in the living room and talked for about an hour, and if you know me, you know how much I love my dad. He’s the greatest guy I know. His comments on everything is hilarious, it’s hard not to be happy around him. He was helping me/giving me advice on my writing. He does such a good job with giving me criticism and advice, but in a motivating way and I really needed that. Talking to him makes me feel like I can accomplish anything I want to do. He just thinks that the world is mine to take, and it’s the greatest feeling in the world to have someone who believes in you that much.
-Oh yeah the sunset was amazing.
-My younger brothers were so excited to watch “Real Detective” series on Netflix with me. And I LOVE it. They’re so dope. Seeing them growing up loving movies and television reminds me of myself when I was their age, and I love seeing them be much like I was, but way cooler. They’re so cool.
-Took a nap with our cat India, (the 6th family member) She just gets me. Priorities people.
Laying there with my phone in the bed, when my friend had asked me about my day. I immediately thought about my long to do list, that I didn’t make a dent in. “I feel like I just wasted a day. I had so much to do and I didn’t really do anything.” The day was over. Up until that point it was truly an unmemorable day, and that’s when the quote popped into my head “in 20 years will you remember today?” And I thought, surely in 20 years I won’t remember Friday 26th, March 2021. It was a slow, mundane, boring day.
But it wasn’t until I replayed my entire day in my head, start to finish, and I got to the part about my dad, and our conversation, that my entire perspective changed.
He’s always talking about what we’ll remember about him, someday when he’s gone. He’s always teaching us, his children something to remember. “What have you learned from this? What am I teaching you, that you’ll remember someday?” And I realized, that it’s those late night talks in the living room. That’s what I’m going to remember.
And all at once, the day had meaning. I thought about if something ever happened to my dad, that’s what I’ll miss about him. For the rest of my life I would think back on days like today, and I felt lucky. I actually felt lucky that I had just lived it.
I suddenly felt the need, it was a need to remember this day. I wanted to remember it all. Being so broke all I could afford to eat was peanut butter out of a jar. I wanted to remember Sara’s unlimited support, her sweet words and the strength of our friendship. I wanted to remember the guilt I felt for getting into a fight with my mom, so I could never get to that point again. I wanted to remember singing to my “from the heart” slow, acoustic, Spotify playlist as the sky turned pink outside my window. I wanted to remember my little brothers being so carefree and happy. I wanted to remember India. And how she has her favorite spot in my room, bed specifically.
It was the need to hold on, and remember even the smallest of details, of an ordinary day.
A day that was earlier “a waste” suddenly meant everything to me, and all I could think of how cool would it be if we did that everyday? Went back and focused on the details, and wrote them down, made it memorable.
It was an ordinary day, but it’s a collection of those ordinary days, that essentially make up our lives, and I think that is truly noteworthy.
So, to answer the question,
yes.
In 20 years I will remember today.