Friday September 30, 2022
How to: Be A White Girl
Here in the valley, labels are harsh.
You go to one yoga session and youre labeled a "hipster."
You go to one linkin park concert, and everyone thinks you´re "emo" or whatever.
And if you let even one swear word slip, then you might as well be satan himself.
And yet the worst one of all, is the people who ASSUME that if you get ONE double choclaty chip frappe at starbucks, then you´re automaticcaly a "basic white girl."
Excuse me?
Do you really think it´s THAT easy to achieve "basic white girl" status??
Is our reputation really measured by the price of a starbucks drink?
This has to end.
I´m calling upon all basic white girls to help me in the fight to #stoptheimposters. It´s our time of year! If you don´t like fall that usually means you´re in a pretty dark place.
I don´t know what it is about fall, and white girls but it´s like our power gets stronger in a sense, and this is going to sound weird but I´m 99% positive that songs sound better in the autumn. It just does. Whether you´re driving down the highway with your heater on, and your windows down, blasting t swifts or cuddled up by the fire screaming the words to "Thinking Out Loud" by Ed Sheeran... Songs. Sound. Better. In. Fall. But it´s not just that the songs sounds better in the fall,
it´s the salted caramel cake pop - pumpkin carving - beanie wearing time of year and I refuse to be overshadowed by girls who think they can "sit with us" - metaphorically - JUST because they took a snapchat with their pumpkin spice frap. Nope. Not anymore.
Ground rules must be set. It´s time to set the record straight.
Q: What is a white girl?
A: A dangerous species of females, all ages, generally those with lana del rey songs in ther spotify playlists, and fake glasses ALL with the same goal: trend each other out or to dominate the world, I´m not really sure yet.
Q: How do I know if I´m a white girl?
A: Contrary to popular belief, to be a "white girl" you don´t actually have to be a WHITE girl. We aren´t racially exclusive. But there are rules, of course.
HOW TO BE A WHITE GIRL
-You must own at least 7 different yoga pants/tights/leggings
-If you haven´t already agreed about how fall is your favorite season, do so immediately.
-You must master the art of the "messy bun"
´Remember there is a difference between "I just woke up" and "I woke up like this, flawless"
(Always think. What would Beyonce do in this situation?)
-Other items to stock up on:
+Beanies
+Sweaters
+Doc Martens
+An abundance of scarfs
-You must own at least an iPhone 8. We don´t accept anyone with lower models, and android users, please exit out of this page immediately.
We worship the 3 B´s.
-Blake Lively
-Beyonce
-Bruce Jenner now reffered to as Caitlyn Jenner.
BASIC WHITE GIRL APPLICATION
(answer honestly)
You constantly ask your friends to take pictures of you?
2. You are very into skincare or obsessed with doing your eyebrows?
3. You own an Iphone and a MacBook?
4. Your write open letters to your ex-boyfriend or you post qoutes from Rupi Kaur to your instgram story?
EXTRA; 5. You have watched ”Gossip Girl“ and/or “Pretty Little Liars“? yes/no
EXTRA; 6. You have binged “The Bachelor“ and/or “90 Days Fiance“?
yes/no
Now, if you got more than 3 yes..okay okay! Welcome to the squad.
And if you got all no or less than 3 yes..then that’s cool too! You can still sit with me.
Listen, girls are made up of so many things: facts, interests, personality traits,
- small enjoyments do not define your identity.
However, ENJOY your interests, wear your Doc Martens, participate in The Bachelor tv rundown, have your almost unhealthy obsession with fall: let it be known that you´re proud of the things you love.
Inherently, every arguement about being basic implies that popularity is basic; if you have engaged with multiple things that are popular, you are basic.
And if we´re all basic, why the negative connotation? Engaging in "white girl" activities gives you a facet to connect with others. After all, we´re all pretty basic. We all have a little "white girl" in us ;)
Sof